You can do more..can you?

Dear all,

Finally here I am. I keep telling myself to update my blog  - too much to tell but too little time I have. There's a lot of thing happened which involved with my feeling. Yeaaa right~ being a Pisces you cant run from being emotional and dreamy. What can I conclude from what happened to me is do I have option to do more than what I'm supposed to do? Do I have right for that? Am I allowed to do so? 

First, as a friend, do you have right to bother and care too much about your friend? There's a boundaries from being a friend and special one. Even though you can give more but you should know the limits. Once you cross the limits, then that's it. For me, the limits is subjective and depends on the people themselves. It may be the limits for you but not for me. Agree? 

Second, as a team in one department, you'll supporting each other. Sometimes they may need your help to provide them with some info or guidance BUT you are not supposed to do the job for them. We have our own job description and KPI to meet. Honestly, it's hard to neglect the request but we should have clearer picture on what we are supposed to do. For me, I don't mind to do more than what I'm supposed to do. As long as I am happy with it. 

When we care about someone or something, we tend to be like busybody. Tonight, I got it straight to my face and it woke me up. Along this while, I keep care and do more than what I'm supposed to do. When someone look sad, I'll ask him/her what happened. When someone sick, I'll get medicine or at least show some care. When someone happy, we share the happiness. Then suddenly tonight, someone told me that " if he/she doesn't ever tell you what is his/her problem, why should you think about it?" Honestly, being me, when I decided to care about someone, I will care about him/her regardless who they are. I will try my best to do everything for them regardless the limits. But what happened tonight really wakes me up. Not everyone happy with what I do. If he is my friend, I should treat him as a friend. If that's their job, should let them do it. 

When it comes to heartbroken or relationship, I became so sensitive. It just that, someone hurt me. I knew the feeling of being hurt. I don't want to look at how painful it is to my love one. However, if being hurt is the best way for them, what can I do? The best I can do is being there when they in need. 

p/s: Happiness and Sadness is essential in our life. Problems bring me down, Support bring me up, God keep me going.  

How best and worst things can be

Hello everyone,

 I read a story about an old man, donkey and well. I feel like it was an interesting story. The story begin when the donkey falls into a well. The old man, as an owner of the well think that he should cover the well. He found out there was a donkey inside. He talked to himself, nothing he can do beside covering the well. He ignored the donkey and start covering the well. The donkey shouted and begged for help. The old man keep put in the sands. The donkey falls once in a while but he keep shouting and get up. Then the donkey reliase, if it keeps getting up, it can safe its life. It get up continously and finally it safe.

For the past few weeks, I always wondering what will be my future.Who is destiny to be my husband? How my life with him? Will he be my husband? Why so many things happened for the couple of months ago? Why I feel safe and comfortable with this person? What does this sign means? These questions keep bothering me.

What is the relationship between the questions and the donkey? I’m wondering too much about my future till I forgot about my present. I should treasure today as I don’t know is there tomorrow for me. Why should I worry about how best and worst things can be? Allah had planned everything for me. He is the greatest and smartest planner of all. Yes, this is my life and I have choice to choose which way to go.

Let me put it this way. Donkey is life. Sands are challenges. Challenges will always come into your life regardless who you are. Do you realize that you grow, learn, and the most important thing is being you through all the challenges that you faced? Challenges had molded and shaped you into who are you now. As I’m bothering too much about my future, I stayed inside the well without doing anything. Worrying about who is meant for me is kinda headache though. I should put my trust on Him, keep moving on and get up regardless whatever happened to me. When the time has come, I can escape from the well and meet the perfect guy.

p/s: the perfect man doesn’t mean the perfect for me =D

False Alarms

Dear all,

It’s been quite sometimes I didn’t update myself. So here I am for the quick update. Recently Kuantan, Kemaman, and Dungun were affected by flood. In fact, even Johor and Melaka were affected too. Alhamdullilah everything is getting better day by day. It was a great experience I would say. Going out finding foods, clean water and taking shower with only 3 pails of water. Can you imagine? Fuuuhh~~ I just realize perfume is a thoughtful invention. Hahahaha.

Beside flood things, my life was just the same. I received a news that my boss gonna resign soon. It was a great lost honestly. When I’m emotionally attached with someone, it is kinda hard to lose them. Well, I know we have whatsapp, Line, Viber, FB etc, but it’s not the same as face to face interaction. I feel sad because he is my first manager and he’s the one who mould me for the past 10 months. He guided me the way of doing things one by one without letting me feel stupid. Aishhh~~ I just realize that people keep coming and go from my life. I don’t know whether it was a sign but I feel sad about it.

In February, someone will leave me too. That person keep saying, “whatever Ira, while I’m here”. T.T and I keep scolding him when he said so. I hope our friendship will last till the end even though I just get to know him for 10 months.  Knowing him taught me to be a bit easy going. Do not put too much pressure on the things that are not necessary or yet to happen. The thing is that, I always look silly, blur and clumsy in front of him. Ok fine! Ottoke~~ it’s me anyway. Hehehe. I’m admiring the way he handle his life. With all those things happened in his life before really teach me a lot on the values of being independent, strong, friendship and never show to people how bad your day is.

So, that’s all for today.   

p/s: Evacuating my heart as I keep receiving false alarms. =P

Its About Time

Dear all,

Recently I have been flooded with great news which I supposed to be happy with it. Well, I am happy. One by one of my friends are either getting married or engaged. At first I feel happy as they were happy. I bring present and attended their ceremony. Then I start to get news that, either they were pregnant or about to give birth. Honestly, I'm so happy for them.

However, I have something in my heart. I felt like I'm loosing my friends. The biggest news that affecting me was a story of my best friend's engagement early this month. Of course I am happy for him. Alhamdullilah, he got his answer and he will have peaceful life. I told myself, its not gonna be the same as before. Well, he used to be my personal consultant. 

Honestly, I start to feel sad as one by one of my friends are moving to the next stage of their life. First, Hariz, then Syafiq and latest Iz. I do imagine that we will grow up and moving on to the next stage of our life but I never expect that I'll feel this way. Its kinda mixed up feeling were you feel happy and sad at the same time. I'm anticipating more news from my friends. I just can't imagine how will it be when I received an invitation from Sopha, Ada, Nisyak, Ecah, Syirah, Fatin, Kak Zira, Aqwa, Pejal, Capiq, Syed, Kak Fain, Bell, Zati, Silah, and last but not list Halim. They are my strength. I used to turn to them when I feel in need. I just had a feeling that everything will not be the same. 

Life must go on. Insya Allah, Ya Allah, please protect them as they were so important in my life. Bring happiness, peace and give them strength and calmness so they can undergo their life with your bless. Protect them from danger, sadness and bad people. Guide them and show them the right path as you know everything either its about to happened, will happen or happened. Thank you Allah for bring me these great people in my life. 

p/s: Time goes, Friends Stay

Saying Hello and Wishing Goodbye

Dear all,

So, here I am, in Bintulu for the second time. I still remember how hard I felt to left Bintulu that day. Well I just realized, its not the place I missed but the people, environment and warmest welcome I get. On top of that, I have been treated the way I never been treated before. I felt so happy and touched. Despite what happened in Mainland, I felt being here is the best gateway for me to calm down, find myself, to reflects why it happened and finding answers.

Well, here I am, with the answers. I was struggling to get through it. Even though I may look ok but it doesn't show the inside me. Today, I found my answers, hold to it and never turn back. I know how it happened, why it happened and I realize, it can't getting better with only one side. So I decided to walk away and keep going on without turning  back anymore. I know, it will  be a hard journey for me but I believe, it happened for reasons. For whatever reasons there are, I am entering a new chapter of my life. I will have new characters and scenes. Of course the characters from previous chapter may appear and bring back all those memories but I hope, I will have a happy ending. Happy ending doesn't meant you want it to be end as how you want it to be, but happy ending will end your story the best way it should be. 

Insya - Allah. 

p/s: I choose to not telling you that I'm waiting for you. It's been a month. Well, I have my answers for why and how come. No worries, I will just walk away. 

Hello from Bintulu

Dear all,

Hellooooo~ from Bintulu. Its been 3 days I'm here and I felt great to be here for the first time. Unfortunately, I didn't take picture since the first day I'm here. Well, I found Bintulu quite a nice place to be away from Semenanjung. I feel calm and happy. Ermm thank you Mr. Prince.

Been away from Semenanjung, I feel like I left everything behind me. My problems, my histories, my sadness, and of course the painful memories I had. I feel like I'm having a new life here. I met new people, leaving in new environment and working in new culture. It is good in some ways. In reality, how long can I run from the truth? It will always keep run after me no matter where I go. So, before I'm going back to Semenanjung, I need to prepare myself to face the truth.

p/s: If you wanna find someone to be your husband, look at how his relationship with his girl-friends boy-friends. If you wanna find someone to be your wife, look at the relationship between her and her mom.

The Meaning of Ramadhan and Syawal

Dear all,

Well it takes quite sometimes for me to update my blog. Its due to my busy life. So let me starts with my life before Ramadhan.

Before Ramadhan, I was busy working on my tender together with other commitments. I didn't realise how fast time flies until we reach Ramadhan. I don't think I wanna share how was my Ramadhan and Syawal but I wanna share what does this year Ramadhan and Syawal meant to me. 

Ramadhan teach me to be stronger and believe that Allah is there whenever, wherever I am in need. Ramadhan this year not only bring sustenance, lucks and bless, but I felt more than that. I've been tested by one after another until I feel like, am I going to die soon as problems are one of the way to clean our sins. First I received news regarding someone who cheating us for another lady. They even met up without letting us know. Then I received news that my relative falls and she's been hospitalised for about a week and she needs to undergo operation due to broken bone. Unfortunately, due to limited time and lots of pending works, I have to postpone my Emergency Leave. Even though we are not that close but she is the one who feed me, wash my shoes, sent me off to gate when Im going to school and accompany me at home since I was kid. Obviously I am worry and I feel like I need to be home to help my mom. On top of that, I've been pushing with tasks which I felt the work process was not efficient at all and due to that circumstances, I have to make myself available all the time. Together with what happened, I've been scolded by my neighbours and they even judge me as an outsider.  Despite what happened, I learnt that, regardless anything, the key to success is patience. When I pray, I felt that Allah is so near and listen to my Doa. I feel safe. I feel strong. Sometimes I felt hopeless. I feel like I need to share with him. Then I back off and said, I shouldn't do that. Most of the night, I will cry and talk to Him. I feel relieve and fall asleep. Ramadhan teach me the meaning of sacrifices. Well, when we sincerely sacrifice for others, we never ask for rewards. When we love someone more than ourself, we are willing to do anything as long as they were happy. However, does it worth it? well, depends =) 

Syawal teach me to be warm and extend our love. I feel warm when surrounded with my family, relatives and friends. We share our joy and having fun together. I did see some group of people who touched my soul and wakes me up. Did I contribute enough? Did I spend my times equally? How am I in next 10 years? Honestly, I start to think on how my Syawal will be when I get married. Naaaaaahh...boring...Syawal teach me to forgive and learnt to forget. Regardless anything people did to me, the most important thing is, I need to forgive myself. I need to have more control on myself. One thing that I realised, I start to have feelings. I can feel others and I truly wish someone can feel me too. 

Now, I'm designing my new life. I set a new target, new aim and of course new dreams. I need to be strong and never give up regardless anything happened. I had gone through this before and I believe I can go through this again. Like people said, time will heals the wound. When I feel like crying, I will just cry, wipe my tears and continue with my life's journey. I don't know how will it ends but I will try my best to have a good ending. 

p/s: End of something might be a good beginning for another thing. Wishing you best of luck.