Well it takes quite sometimes for me to update my blog. Its due to my busy life. So let me starts with my life before Ramadhan.
Before Ramadhan, I was busy working on my tender together with other commitments. I didn't realise how fast time flies until we reach Ramadhan. I don't think I wanna share how was my Ramadhan and Syawal but I wanna share what does this year Ramadhan and Syawal meant to me.
Ramadhan teach me to be stronger and believe that Allah is there whenever, wherever I am in need. Ramadhan this year not only bring sustenance, lucks and bless, but I felt more than that. I've been tested by one after another until I feel like, am I going to die soon as problems are one of the way to clean our sins. First I received news regarding someone who cheating us for another lady. They even met up without letting us know. Then I received news that my relative falls and she's been hospitalised for about a week and she needs to undergo operation due to broken bone. Unfortunately, due to limited time and lots of pending works, I have to postpone my Emergency Leave. Even though we are not that close but she is the one who feed me, wash my shoes, sent me off to gate when Im going to school and accompany me at home since I was kid. Obviously I am worry and I feel like I need to be home to help my mom. On top of that, I've been pushing with tasks which I felt the work process was not efficient at all and due to that circumstances, I have to make myself available all the time. Together with what happened, I've been scolded by my neighbours and they even judge me as an outsider. Despite what happened, I learnt that, regardless anything, the key to success is patience. When I pray, I felt that Allah is so near and listen to my Doa. I feel safe. I feel strong. Sometimes I felt hopeless. I feel like I need to share with him. Then I back off and said, I shouldn't do that. Most of the night, I will cry and talk to Him. I feel relieve and fall asleep. Ramadhan teach me the meaning of sacrifices. Well, when we sincerely sacrifice for others, we never ask for rewards. When we love someone more than ourself, we are willing to do anything as long as they were happy. However, does it worth it? well, depends =)
Syawal teach me to be warm and extend our love. I feel warm when surrounded with my family, relatives and friends. We share our joy and having fun together. I did see some group of people who touched my soul and wakes me up. Did I contribute enough? Did I spend my times equally? How am I in next 10 years? Honestly, I start to think on how my Syawal will be when I get married. Naaaaaahh...boring...Syawal teach me to forgive and learnt to forget. Regardless anything people did to me, the most important thing is, I need to forgive myself. I need to have more control on myself. One thing that I realised, I start to have feelings. I can feel others and I truly wish someone can feel me too.
Now, I'm designing my new life. I set a new target, new aim and of course new dreams. I need to be strong and never give up regardless anything happened. I had gone through this before and I believe I can go through this again. Like people said, time will heals the wound. When I feel like crying, I will just cry, wipe my tears and continue with my life's journey. I don't know how will it ends but I will try my best to have a good ending.
p/s: End of something might be a good beginning for another thing. Wishing you best of luck.
