My "Happy" Hari Raya

Dear all,

I am sorry to bother you with my emo post but I just feel like write it here. So, as we know, tomorrow is Hari Raya and I had lots of things to share with you.

Firstly, I feel uncomfortable about what happened yesterday. I am ashamed. Nothing hurt me more when someone saying that, should consider and think about me. But I should take that blame. Plus it is my fault. For those who know me quite well, they may expect how my reaction will be. Even it is simple but when something happen and touch my heart, I will remember every single details even the environment, moment, face, text and voice. So, that happened to me today. Anything I did, I keep remembering the words (text) and what I did yesterday. I wish I could cry and tell someone about it.

Secondly, I felt offended with my aunt. It may looks simple but it is offensive for me. I love ayam masak merah so much. But she told my cousin that, she made it especially for her while I am beside her (my cousin). Then when it is almost time for breakfast, she asked me " Do we have coffee?" and I said "No. Do you want?". She said never mind. Then suddenly she told my other aunt, if we have coffee should be better. Of course I can heard it. So, I went to kitchen and make jug of coffee while others break fast. All night I just keep quite cause feel quite sad actually.

Thirdly, I feel mad cause my aunt judging my cousin's son while actually both my aunts not even do it to their son and grandchildren. Then I end up, get out of the house and sit outside. Included my cousin who came like a guest and I have to prepare the food for them. I am not asking them to help me but to be honest, since I was kid, the only people who will be busy are me, my sister, my relative, and my other cousin. How do you feel when you have to prepare the food for your own aunt and uncle while your cousins are there and sit?

Fourthly, tomorrow morning my mom has to go for morning shift. I know I have to understand it but since Form 4, I never have my mom for 1st day of Hari Raya while others celebrating and go to mosque with their mother. I feel it is not fair for me. Of course I am sad about it. I wanna take family photo for 1st day of Hari Raya and go to relative house together. Unfortunately, I can't.

This year, I am not happy with my Hari Raya. I wish I can go back to campus as soon as possible. Seriously, I don't feel good.

p/s: Happy Hari Raya everyone =D