Its About Time

Dear all,

Recently I have been flooded with great news which I supposed to be happy with it. Well, I am happy. One by one of my friends are either getting married or engaged. At first I feel happy as they were happy. I bring present and attended their ceremony. Then I start to get news that, either they were pregnant or about to give birth. Honestly, I'm so happy for them.

However, I have something in my heart. I felt like I'm loosing my friends. The biggest news that affecting me was a story of my best friend's engagement early this month. Of course I am happy for him. Alhamdullilah, he got his answer and he will have peaceful life. I told myself, its not gonna be the same as before. Well, he used to be my personal consultant. 

Honestly, I start to feel sad as one by one of my friends are moving to the next stage of their life. First, Hariz, then Syafiq and latest Iz. I do imagine that we will grow up and moving on to the next stage of our life but I never expect that I'll feel this way. Its kinda mixed up feeling were you feel happy and sad at the same time. I'm anticipating more news from my friends. I just can't imagine how will it be when I received an invitation from Sopha, Ada, Nisyak, Ecah, Syirah, Fatin, Kak Zira, Aqwa, Pejal, Capiq, Syed, Kak Fain, Bell, Zati, Silah, and last but not list Halim. They are my strength. I used to turn to them when I feel in need. I just had a feeling that everything will not be the same. 

Life must go on. Insya Allah, Ya Allah, please protect them as they were so important in my life. Bring happiness, peace and give them strength and calmness so they can undergo their life with your bless. Protect them from danger, sadness and bad people. Guide them and show them the right path as you know everything either its about to happened, will happen or happened. Thank you Allah for bring me these great people in my life. 

p/s: Time goes, Friends Stay

Saying Hello and Wishing Goodbye

Dear all,

So, here I am, in Bintulu for the second time. I still remember how hard I felt to left Bintulu that day. Well I just realized, its not the place I missed but the people, environment and warmest welcome I get. On top of that, I have been treated the way I never been treated before. I felt so happy and touched. Despite what happened in Mainland, I felt being here is the best gateway for me to calm down, find myself, to reflects why it happened and finding answers.

Well, here I am, with the answers. I was struggling to get through it. Even though I may look ok but it doesn't show the inside me. Today, I found my answers, hold to it and never turn back. I know how it happened, why it happened and I realize, it can't getting better with only one side. So I decided to walk away and keep going on without turning  back anymore. I know, it will  be a hard journey for me but I believe, it happened for reasons. For whatever reasons there are, I am entering a new chapter of my life. I will have new characters and scenes. Of course the characters from previous chapter may appear and bring back all those memories but I hope, I will have a happy ending. Happy ending doesn't meant you want it to be end as how you want it to be, but happy ending will end your story the best way it should be. 

Insya - Allah. 

p/s: I choose to not telling you that I'm waiting for you. It's been a month. Well, I have my answers for why and how come. No worries, I will just walk away. 

Hello from Bintulu

Dear all,

Hellooooo~ from Bintulu. Its been 3 days I'm here and I felt great to be here for the first time. Unfortunately, I didn't take picture since the first day I'm here. Well, I found Bintulu quite a nice place to be away from Semenanjung. I feel calm and happy. Ermm thank you Mr. Prince.

Been away from Semenanjung, I feel like I left everything behind me. My problems, my histories, my sadness, and of course the painful memories I had. I feel like I'm having a new life here. I met new people, leaving in new environment and working in new culture. It is good in some ways. In reality, how long can I run from the truth? It will always keep run after me no matter where I go. So, before I'm going back to Semenanjung, I need to prepare myself to face the truth.

p/s: If you wanna find someone to be your husband, look at how his relationship with his girl-friends boy-friends. If you wanna find someone to be your wife, look at the relationship between her and her mom.

The Meaning of Ramadhan and Syawal

Dear all,

Well it takes quite sometimes for me to update my blog. Its due to my busy life. So let me starts with my life before Ramadhan.

Before Ramadhan, I was busy working on my tender together with other commitments. I didn't realise how fast time flies until we reach Ramadhan. I don't think I wanna share how was my Ramadhan and Syawal but I wanna share what does this year Ramadhan and Syawal meant to me. 

Ramadhan teach me to be stronger and believe that Allah is there whenever, wherever I am in need. Ramadhan this year not only bring sustenance, lucks and bless, but I felt more than that. I've been tested by one after another until I feel like, am I going to die soon as problems are one of the way to clean our sins. First I received news regarding someone who cheating us for another lady. They even met up without letting us know. Then I received news that my relative falls and she's been hospitalised for about a week and she needs to undergo operation due to broken bone. Unfortunately, due to limited time and lots of pending works, I have to postpone my Emergency Leave. Even though we are not that close but she is the one who feed me, wash my shoes, sent me off to gate when Im going to school and accompany me at home since I was kid. Obviously I am worry and I feel like I need to be home to help my mom. On top of that, I've been pushing with tasks which I felt the work process was not efficient at all and due to that circumstances, I have to make myself available all the time. Together with what happened, I've been scolded by my neighbours and they even judge me as an outsider.  Despite what happened, I learnt that, regardless anything, the key to success is patience. When I pray, I felt that Allah is so near and listen to my Doa. I feel safe. I feel strong. Sometimes I felt hopeless. I feel like I need to share with him. Then I back off and said, I shouldn't do that. Most of the night, I will cry and talk to Him. I feel relieve and fall asleep. Ramadhan teach me the meaning of sacrifices. Well, when we sincerely sacrifice for others, we never ask for rewards. When we love someone more than ourself, we are willing to do anything as long as they were happy. However, does it worth it? well, depends =) 

Syawal teach me to be warm and extend our love. I feel warm when surrounded with my family, relatives and friends. We share our joy and having fun together. I did see some group of people who touched my soul and wakes me up. Did I contribute enough? Did I spend my times equally? How am I in next 10 years? Honestly, I start to think on how my Syawal will be when I get married. Naaaaaahh...boring...Syawal teach me to forgive and learnt to forget. Regardless anything people did to me, the most important thing is, I need to forgive myself. I need to have more control on myself. One thing that I realised, I start to have feelings. I can feel others and I truly wish someone can feel me too. 

Now, I'm designing my new life. I set a new target, new aim and of course new dreams. I need to be strong and never give up regardless anything happened. I had gone through this before and I believe I can go through this again. Like people said, time will heals the wound. When I feel like crying, I will just cry, wipe my tears and continue with my life's journey. I don't know how will it ends but I will try my best to have a good ending. 

p/s: End of something might be a good beginning for another thing. Wishing you best of luck. 

Darkness

Dear you,


I wish I may share with you what happened and how stressful I am now. With my dad things, my sister, my works and about us. I choose not to think too much but I end up crying. I barely hold it cause I feel like I might be end up a burden to you. I wish you may hear me crying through phone, as you are far far away from me. I wish we can meet up even though just for a while as it distracts me from thinking about my problems. I'm afraid my call or sms will bring us to worst argument. Hence, I choose to remain silence. Stress does make my chest feel painful. Nonetheless, life must go on. I believe, God will helps me to go through all this obstacles. 

p/s: watched The Vow and The Proposal. The girls are so lucky =D

Inner Strength

Hai people,

Just a quick update, I'll start working next week. sigh I feel more excited than nervous. LoL. For this post I wanna share how do I feel for the past few days. (It will be long post).

I dunno how should I start but for the last few days, I feel sad. From one issue to another issue. It really makes me feel down. However, I do realize one thing. The only man who always with me through thick and thin is my dad. Even though he looks like doesn't really care about me, but when I need him, he always there. Actually, that's how he brought me up. He let me handle my stuff and be independent. However, when I feel in need, I can always ask help from him. He never say that I am annoying but he will be mad if I didn't ask help from him. 

Being bashed with something like my past, really makes me wonder. Do I made a wrong decision before? Do I really move on? bla bla bla...Honestly, I am totally not in a good shape (obviously not round). I know I am not perfect. I do have my own weaknesses. I just hope people can accept me as how I am. I didn't ask to be with him, or him or other guy. It just happen. Of course I have option to reject it but by the time I say yes, I don't know what happen before. It makes me think, do I that bad or stupid to be with him or him or other guy? 

Talking about my dream man, of course I have long list for his characteristics. However does he exist? I don't know. Tell you what, do you know the different between you like and you love someone? When you like someone, you'll try hard to get him/her but once you win, you don't appreciate him / her. You wanna let everyone know that you are together. If you love someone, you'll try your best to make him/her happy even though you are not. Plus, loving someone doesn't mean he/she will be with you. It is more than enough to see him/her happy even though with someone else. 

Insya Allah, I'll keep my inner strength stronger and stronger each day. With support from my parents, sister, friends, insya Allah...what I faced for the past few days will bring fortune to me.

p/s: if you think your neighbour's garden is greener, why don't you take care of your own garden? 

The More The Merrier? Really?

Hai people,

When it comes to celebration, we will invite as many as possible. We will say " the more the merrier". However, is it true? For me, the most important element is the feel of togetherness among the crowd. Like birthday party celebration, do the crowd really want to celebrate or just attending for the sake of be there? In other situation, a family eating together but everyone are busy with their own personal matters. Ermmm I feel weird. As for me, when it comes to celebration like wedding, birthday, hari raya / deepavali / chineese new year / Christmas, farewell or others, I feel like the joy of being together, laughing, chit chatting and harmony are compulsory. 

In our daily life, we may not gather as many people as we want but a simple lunch with your colleague(s) will do. Having a chit chat while eating will help in releasing your stress at work. At least you have a break from your works. In different situation, a family having dinner together and everyone share what happened at school or work place. At least create a moment for you to have a quality time with your family. Besides that, a  couple who are busy with their own personal life, having a pillow talk over the phone. Not to argue but to share and having some time together especially a long distance relationship. 

In my opinion, the more people is not the issue. The most important thing is how you spend your time together. In fact, while you are busy with your works, there will be someone waiting for you, while you are busy telling what happened to you, there will be someone waiting for you to listen, while you are  tired with your routine, there will be someone waiting for you to be with. 

A casual chit chat over the phone and eat together will do for me. At least it does comfort me and make me feel, I am not alone. 

p/s: why we have big brain, two eyes, two ears but only one mouth?